As pictured above, Farquaad had some intense eye contact with Cersei Lannister*
*totally not her actual name.
The Nameless One: She’s going to maintain the fire alarm, right? Because I don’t think anyone’s even touched it…ever.
That would explain the lack of fires.
While I sent Farquaad to maintain the alarm, Cindy Who had an angst fest with Charcoal.
Char: Imagine my hands are fishes.
Cinderella McBlondeFace: What?? Why would I do that? Now, get out of my way! I have some Darkspawn to eradicate.
Char: glub glub glub glub glub
This continued for a while.
Long enough, even, for Farquaad to get hungry again. I was impressed to see that she chose a neon green, jelly-like salad.
Farquaad: When am I going to get the massive legacy house? All the other legacy people have nice houses and attractive people falling all over them!
Sorry, Farquaad. Enjoy your gelatin salad.
Farquaad also maintained the fire truck. I’m not entirely sure what smacking a wrench against a, from what I can tell, completely flat surface accomplishes, but it seemed to work.
Her earlier work with the fire alarm paid off, as we soon received an alert for a small fire.
Farquaad: ehehehehe I could completely crush a small building with this
Yes, let’s try to avoid that, shall we?
Farquaad: I’ll call it DESTRUCTION, DESTINED DESTROYER: DESTROY EDITION
…oh boy. Why do I feel like you’re angling towards this fate:
Farquaad: I can’t believe they’re letting me take this huge firetruck out all by myself! It’s only my second day on the job, too!
Do you even have a driver’s license?
Farquaad: a what?
See, this is probably why no one else wanted to get in the truck with you.
Farquaad: Aw, it’s so cute! It’s a widdle baby flame. I’m going to call it squishy.
You do that.
Farquaad: Now, time to ruthlessly extinguish Squishy’s life! MWAHAHA
Wait! I didn’t make you evil!
Farquaad: oh. *cue less-maniacal laughter* mwahahah?
…I guess that’ll do.
Farquaad: Why are you forcing me to do this?? This smoke is going to ruin my dress! 😡
It’s your job, Farquaad.
Farquaad: You mean the job you forced me into?
Oh. Uh, but you’re so good at it!
Farquaad: I’m not going to fall for that — what do you think I am, two?
Four, actually. I like the alliteration of “Farquaad, Aged Four.”
Farquad: …okay then.
Farquaad: I see the floating simoleons, but all I can think about is how tired I am. You’re going to buy a bed with that money, right? So I don’t have to sleep in the room with Rapunzel and Char any longer? Those two are gross.
Uh..sorry, Farquaad. I’ve already spent the money.
Farquaad: What?? The money hasn’t even completely faded from view yet! Besides, it’s not the money — it’s my money! I had to sacrifice Squishy for those 276 simoleons!
Oops. Well, if it makes you feel any better, Euler finally has some furniture!
^look! I’m not completely terrible!
Euler: I have no food, but I guess I can just scratch this pole. Obviously, buying this scratcher was way more important than buying FOOD.
Hey. I didn’t ask for this sass.
Euler: I’m a cat. I was born sassy.
Fine, fine. Well, let’s abandon Farquaad, then, and focus the latter part of this chapter on you!
Euler’s social levels were getting dangerously low, so I sent him to the fire station. He (and his fleas) made himself (themselves) comfortable on the couch.
Euler: My fleas will provide an extra level of difficulty when they play video games.
As Euler scratched away, his cat senses told him that a certain firefighter was approaching (and not, cough cough, out fighting fires because OBVIOUSLY that would be WAY TOO MUCH to ask of a firefighter).
Char: Oi. I’ll have you know that I have to work very hard to contain the fire that is my own hotness.
Aside from his brazenness, Char did pet Euler, which is more than Farquaad has ever done. In fact, I don’t think Farquaad’s ever even touched Euler.
Euler: Another friend! Yay! You can share my fleas!
Char: Aw, you’re kind of cute…even if it does look like moss is growing on your neck.
Euler: That’s because the Writer’s idea of decorating cats is to throw random splotches of color around!
Char: Why are the colors only around your head?
Euler: The Writer got lazy.
Sorry, all. What can you do.
Euler autonomously jumped onto the bed next to Charcoal’s and slept there. It was very cute and very sad.
Euler: Can Charcoal be my new human? I don’t like the old one 😦
/cue heart breaking
Next time: where in the world is
Thanks all for reading, and see ya next week (if I haven’t scared all of you off, yet)!