Let’s start with an Euler update, shall we?
I took pity on Euler (that toilet, while singular, wasn’t all that interesting), so I sent him out to
give me an excuse to photograph Moonlight Falls take a nice walk.
Sigh. This town is so pretty. So pretty, in fact, that I made Euler walk around for hours. Sorry, Euler. I think you’re the real victim of this ISBI.
Euler: Look at the pretty clouds! I want to eat them!
Perhaps I should have named you differently. Then again, maybe I can chalk it up as irony.
Euler’s pretty much starved for attention by this point, so when I saw a friendly, totally not flea-infested raccoon trotting along, I sent Euler over to make friends.
Raccoon Trash Panda: I sense a presence behind me.
Side note: have you guys seen the alternate names for animals? E.g. Raccoon = trash panda and, my personal favorite, snake = nope rope
Euler: Hi, I just met you and I love you! Also, have some fleas! They’ve been my only friends for the past four chapters, but I will share them!
I’m sorry, Euler, for robbing you of your cat dignity. I’m sure I’m destined to be attacked by some cat in the near future.
Trash Panda: Oh, boy! Fleas! Why don’t you come closer, cat, and, while you’re at it, show me your
food source home!
This trash panda seems a bit sketchy.
Sorry, trash panda. Unless you like eating toilet water, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
Uh, guys? Not sure if the middle of the street is the best place to play.
Car: *whooshes over Euler without effect*
Oh, right. This is the Sims. Play in the middle of the street all you like, children!
Well, while they’re happily endangering themselves, let’s check on Farquaad!
Farquaad: How dare you ignore me. I am your founder.
Uh…I was checking on your cat.
Farquaad: THIS IS THE FARQUAAD FUTURE ISBI. PREPARE TO FACE MY WRATH.
But – but it’s the Future ISBI. Not – not the Farqua–
Actually, that might be accurate. Scratch that — it’s definitely accurate. With me in charge of this ISBI,
all some of you will die. Sorry.
Farquaad: Well, I am not dying today.
How convenient — the fridge is filled with endless quantities of cereal!
Ah, yes. I remember I took this photo merely to showcase my awesome simming skills. In other words, a red plumbob! Golly gee, I think this means I’ve made it in the ISBI business!
Seriously, guys, I’m so used to cheating my way out of the needs. This is so painful
Also, that stove is USELESS because I can’t use it to
burn the fire station down in a fit of sweet, sweet irony cook anything. Sorry, Farquaad, looks like you’re stuck with cold cereal.
Farquaad: did you not hear my death threat.
AND MOVING ON.
Wow, Farquaad! You have a beautiful new uniform! And you got it so fast, too! It’s almost like there was an awkward time gap of
me trying not to kill you some hours! Wow!
Look! A friend! Or at least a potential friend! This is Charcoal Smith (that’s totally not his actual name but I just have a hard time remembering all these names, okay
and I can’t be bothered to write them down). Let’s call him Char.
Char: YEAH, YOU GO, BIANCA. KILL THAT TEMPLAR.
I can already sense that this videogame set is going to cause some…interesting scenarios.
Farquaad: Uh, hello. I’m Farquaad. Apparently we’re coworkers. I’ve been living in this building for the past day or so. You might have noticed the unmade bed and empty cereal bowl. I did that.
Char: I sense a presence beside me.
Farquaad: Yeah. That would be me. I just introduced myself two seconds ago.
Char: Oh! PERSON PERSON PLUS HEART SPARKLE HEART
Farquaad: Cool! PERSON PERSON PLUS HEART SPARKLE HEART
Char: You hot.
Dang, Farquaad. You and that jawline are dangerous.
Farquaad: Yeah, I know I’m pretty hot. So, what can a gal do around here to get promoted? I have this pesky lifetime wish of saving some people and I haven’t seen any fire alarms. Is it immoral to set fires for the sake of putting them out later and getting promoted? Asking for a friend, of course.
Seriously, though. The alarm’s rung three times, now, and each time I try and send Farquaad to put them out, the game glitches 😡
If this continues any longer, I will have to consider the pyromaniac route.
Char: Idk, man. Maybe try bribing the boss with diamonds? Of course, I’m not even sure who the boss is, as the game lists us all as coworkers.
Farquaad: If there’s no boss, can I promote myself?
Also, in the corner you can see another coworker, Bianca Lace*. She and Char made for some very interesting interactions…which you will see in the next installment!
/cue collective groan
*Bianca Lace is definitely not her actual name