Hello again! Glad to see I haven’t scared you off (yet)!
Where did we leave Farquaad?
Ah, yes. The park. The spouse hunt. The excitement.
After several sim hours of standing around in silence, Future-Mr. Farquaad walked over to a picnic and sat himself down next to a comfortingly-normal (ish) looking fairy, a berry-fied (how does one spell that?) Pip Goodfellow.
I sent Farquaad over to join in the good fun and burgers. Future Mr. Farquaad, of course, decided to escape.
Future Mr. Farquaad: uh…actually, I just remembered that I wasn’t quite finished with that picnic table. Uh, yeah…I’ll go over there now. Bye, Pip!
and good luck
Pip Goodfellow: Wha-? Hey! Don’t leave me alone with this creature! Her jaw is too strong for us mere mortals!
Pip, you’re a hot pink fairy with purple hair.
Pip Goodfellow: THAT JAW THOUGH. And, yes, I am quite attractive.
The “hot” was meant to qualify your skin shade.
Pip Goodfellow: Mhm..sure.
Anyway, I decided maybe Future Mr. Farquaad didn’t deserve to be Future Mr. Farquaad and set
my Farquaad’s sights on Pip Goodfellow.
Farquaad: Hey. Pass the ketchup. It better be organic, by the way. I only eat tomatoes that have been blessed by at least three priests and carefully tended for the duration of their short lifetimes.
Farquaad: Also, this burger is from grass-fed, free-range cows, right? And was the grass treated with any pesticides?
Pip: Uh…I gotta go. I just remembered that I’m supposed to be one with nature and be vegetarian.
Seriously, y’all — I kept sending Farquaad over to make friends and everyone kept leaving her. Guess they couldn’t handle that jaw.
The Goodfellows decided to clique up and enjoy their (meat-containing) burgers elsewhere.
Ex-Future-Mr. Farquaad decided to join them before Farquaad could hit him up again.
BTW, I find it funny that they’re chatting about childcare when there is CLEARLY a poor, neglected child not five paces away from their exclusive checkered blanket. Seriously. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to be responsible for someone else’s life.
Honestly, some people are so forgetful.
I mean, who could be so rude as to completely neglect someone so dependent on them for food and water and love? I bet that toddler is forced to entertain herself for hours on end while her
owners family chats the day away.
I bet that poor toddler has some terrible disease or, worse, fleas. Honestly. The nerve of those Goodfellows.
Anyway, I sent Farquaad over to say hi. Again.
Future Mr. Farquaad: Oh, Plumbob. Why is it so hot?
You’re wearing a black suit at noon on a summer day.
Future Mr. Farquaad: Why is it so hot??
…he’s all yours, Farquaad.
Farquaad: I’m Farquaad, Future Mr. Farquaad.
Future Mr. Farquaad: Er..it’s Adrian, actually.
Farquaad: Well, Adrian, how about being Future Mr. Farquaad?
Adrian: Um. What?
Farquaad: Maybe this will convince you…
She then proceeded to show him not one but three gross videos.
Adrian: Think nice thoughts, think nice thoughts..
Adrian: Oh my Plumbob…how is that on the internet?? There are children around!
Sorry, Adrian. I only have maybe 60% responsibility over her actions. The rest is all Farquaad.
Farquaad: hehe. Now that I’ve plied you with wonderfully entertaining videos, I feel it is time to make my move. Disclaimer: Farquaad Future is not responsible for any damage caused by Farquaad Future’s Jawline™.
Adrian: wha –?
Also, the whole time this whole debacle was occurring, some woman named Linda sat herself down and took it upon herself to smirk knowingly at Farquaad.
Linda: Five simoleons says this doesn’t end well.
Tatiana Goodfellow: Ha. No way am I taking that bet.
Farquaad: Also, disclaimer 2: I might break your heart because idk I’ve never been in a relationship before but I’m pretty amazing so you better shower me with presents ok
Side note: look at the unnecessarily tilted photo! Marvel at the diagonals!
Adrian: *stunned silence*
At this point, I really had no idea how he’d take it. I’d gotten them up to friends and figured, well, it was the Sims, and honestly he could have taken it either very well or very poorly.
Plus, come on, look at that expression — it’s so ambiguous!
Adrian: What the Plumbob? We met 30 minutes ago! Haven’t you ever heard of boundaries?
Farquaad: But…but…we’re sims! I was assured we’d be married by the day’s end!
Careful, Farquaad. You’re getting a bit close to the fourth wall there.
Farquaad: The what?
Er, moving on.
Linda: heh. I told you.
Don’t you have somewhere to be? A job? Someone else to judge?
Linda: Nah, I’m good here.
After that wonderful interaction, I sent Farquaad to find a shoulder to cry on.
That shoulder was Adrian’s because I am, again, easily amused.
Farquaad: And then he accused me of not knowing my boundaries!!!
Adrian: There, there. I’m so sorry that happened to you! That person was a real jerk.
Farquaad: *wipes snot on Adrian’s suit*
AN: And with that we’re done (with this chapter, anyway)! Thanks all for reading and commenting 🙂